it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
