I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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