Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
