The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
