Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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