so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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