maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize