Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
i think my cat just said my name.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Randomize
