I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
