Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
we're making bets on your personal life
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
