so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
