I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
