so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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