Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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