at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
