White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
