You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
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