I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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