the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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