i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
