So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
