i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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