so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
