Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I met the friendliest cop last night
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
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