We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
He felt like a one man threesome
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
