That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize