That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
