that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
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