I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Randomize
