Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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