My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
