the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
