It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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