The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I look excited, but its just a facade.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
