If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
