I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize