I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize