Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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