she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
