I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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