Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
false alarm, still single
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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