why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
