You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
