Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
