i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
