Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
