oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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