i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
