is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
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