its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
