theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i wish my penis had a tongue
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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