dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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