I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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