i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
