oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
