Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
