Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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