Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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