Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Let's get the cat blown out
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize