ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
