Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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