For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
