i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
