last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Randomize
