I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
