Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
you had me at cake vodka
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize