y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
