absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Randomize
