this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
